Loyal 


Parody of Royals by Lorde

 

But imagine or read the musical portion to Royals covered by Puddles Pity Party and Postmodern Jukebox

***

The sky was grey and dreary. The airspace was thick with stacks of engaged fliers darting, weaving, slashing, and clawing. On the ground two massive armies clashed across a hilly hex. Infantry, heavies, and golem were all in active pitched combat. The battle had been closely matched in terms of numbers and leadership. A costly stalemate had held while the last of the reinforcements trickled into the combat on both sides. 

Prince Beef Fuddles was under Veil, unhappily watching the chaos. Despite his presence it was considered too risky for him to be involved. The plan had not meant for him to be there at all. He had been on his way to assist in bolstering the Capital of Royal Crest, where his Ruler father and Heir sister were. This battle had not been expected until the following turn. Somehow the enemy caught them one day early. 

At that moment, Beef doubted the wisdom of King Duddy Fuddles. The King was a good man but there was not a creative or humorous bone in his body. This often left his Royal reasoning rather flat and uninspired. He had popped with no imagination. None. If the clown were to be blunt, his Father was dreadfully dull. As the official court Jester, Beef felt qualified to make that determination.

 

A few combat turns ago their Chief Warlady had fallen to a critical volley from an archery capable warlord. Although Lady Lorde had croaked nobly, the loss in bonus caused an immediately visible shift in the momentum of the battle. King Duddy must have been prepared with his choice for replacement because they were instated immediately, however the new Chief possessed a lower bonus than Lorde had.

His side was now losing, and Beef could not stand by. A mid-level Heavy Carnymancer stacked with five midlevel knights and two high level archers could change a battle if applied properly. However, the King had given him a direct Order to not engage in combat for anything short of protecting his own life. Every Carnymancer knew there were always hidden paths around Orders, at least for those clever enough to look. Despite being Heavy the Prince was no warrior, so instead he would use his retinue to play to his strengths.

Projecting the stage and lights would be easy. Most Stagemancers dabbled in Foolamancy and Beef had a natural talent. The connections between the disciplines were varied and strong. Not only was Foolamancy very useful, but it also held a potent appeal to Carnies. The two disciples paired beautifully and were inexorably bound to one another. After all, everyone knew that seeing was believing.

 

 

The music was not a great challenge either. Rhyme-a-mancy was another important discipline to practice if one wished to be convincing. Understanding the tone and the rhythm of a situation was pivotal to making a believable pitch. As such, most Barkers at least played an instrument. Beef happened to be a particularly skilled vocalist.

 

The Prince was certain he would need a backup band to be able to bolster the whole hex during his attempt at a show. Unfortunately, he did not have an ensemble of muscians but a band of warriors. For his wild idea to work, he had to do more than trick his stack’s senses or redirect their beliefs. This spell needed to trick their very sense of identity. The Carny found himself wishing he had spent more time paying attention to the Hat Magicians on the World Stage, but accepted it was what it was.

 

Casting this successfully would incorporate Stagemancy of all three flavors and then some. The very idea of it would intimidate many a Caster. Not Beef though. He was focused and confident. It was also always helpful to remember a basic tenet of Carnymancy. If he did not believe in himself, who would believe in him?

 

Beef offered a silent prayer to the Titans and he cast his multi-tiered obfuscation.

The knights looked shocked for just a moment as instruments appeared in their hands in place of their weapons and their armor melted into semi-formal wear. His archers gained microphones and eye-catching attire, establishing them as backup singers. The warriors looked around at each other, confused and unsure. To Beef’s pleasant surprise, as well as their own, they began to play a slow but well-organized tune.

 

The Prince turned toward his audience and waited for his cue.

*


I’ve never seen our Ruler in the flesh
I get XP on training grounds in the boonies
And I am proud of my Princess
In a war-torn land, no chance of parley.

And all the Scouts say Heavy Fliers crossing the hex border,
Pikers, Archers. Warlord what’s your Order?
Be aware, they’ve got a Lookamancer watching you.
But every battles like crashing, mayhem, charging down the enemy.
Gwiffons, Archons, Dwagons being unleashed,
Be prepared or get swept up by a Battle Bear.

And we’ll always be loyal (loyal)
We won’t retreat from much,
That kind of loss just ain’t for us.
We crave a different kind of Love.
Titans save our Ruler (Ruler)
We will gain some XP
Come on crit roll, crit roll, crit roll, crit roll.
Let me live as Infantry

My stack and I have cracked some skulls
We count our arrows on the way to the sortie.
And anyone who’s fought us knows… that we’re fine units,
We didn’t train for nothing.

And all the Scouts say Heavy Fliers crossing the hex border,
Pikers, Archers. Warlord what’s your Orders?
Be aware, They’ve got a Lookamancer watching you.
But every battles like crashing, mayhem, charging down the enemy.
Uncroaked, Daemons, Doombats being unleashed,
Be prepared or get swept up by a Battle Bear.

And we’ll always be loyal (loyal)
We won’t retreat from much,
That kind of loss just ain’t for us.
We crave a different kind of Love.
Titans save our Ruler (Ruler)
We will gain some XP
Come on crit roll, crit roll, crit roll, crit roll.
Let me live as Infantry

Ooh ooh oh Ooh ooh oh
We’re stronger than our enemy

And we’ll always be loyal (loyal)
We won’t retreat from much,
That kind of loss just ain’t for us.
We crave a different kind of Love.
Titans save our Ruler (Ruler)
We will gain some XP
Come on crit roll, crit roll, crit roll, crit roll.
Let me live as Infantry

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