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Book (TBFGK)
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TBFGK is the abbreviation for the first book in the series, Book 1: The Battle for Gobwin Knob.

Contents 1 The Battle for Gobwin Knob 1.1 Descriptive Table of Contents 1.1.1 Day 1 1.1.2 Day 2 1.1.3 Day 3 1.1.3.1 Gobwin Knob's turn 1.1.3.2 Royal Crown Coalition's turn 1.1.3.3 Night 1.1.4 Day 4 1.1.4.1 Gobwin Knob's turn 1.1.4.2 Royal Crown Coalition's turn 1.1.4.3 Night 1.1.5 Day 5 1.1.5.1 Gobwin Knob's turn 1.1.5.2 Royal Crown Coalition's turn 1.1.5.3 Night 1.1.6 Day 6 1.1.6.1 Pre-dawn 1.1.6.2 Gobwin Knob's turn 1.1.6.3 Royal Crown Coalition's turn 1.1.6.4 Night 1.1.7 Day 7 1.1.7.1 Gobwin Knob's turn 1.1.7.2 Royal Crown Coalition's turn 1.1.7.3 Night 1.1.8 Day 8 1.1.8.1 Transylvito and Charlescomm's turns 1.1.8.2 Gobwin Knob's turn 1.1.8.3 Royal Crown Coalition's turn 1.1.8.4 Night 1.1.9 Day 9

[edit] The Battle for Gobwin Knob

[edit] Descriptive Table of Contents

[edit] Day 1

1. Title page: Giant Elvii create the world; Marbits buy extra troops and breach the right flank
2. Page 2: Manpower the Temporary bites it, tastes key lime pie; Wanda introduced, her bad day gets worse
3. Page 3: Wanda returns to Gobwin Knob via dwagon
4. Page 4: Bogroll, Stanley introduced; former demonstrates lack of guile; latter busts a nut
5. Page 5: Wanda & Stanley talk strategy; Wanda brings up summoning spell
6. Page 6: Stanley orders Wanda to buy spell & cast it herself; Bogroll lives up to his name
7. Page 7: Jillian, Ansom introduced; Ansom makes pass at Jillian
8. Page 8: Night falls; Ansom discusses scouting with/continues to make passes at Jillian; Jillian bivouacs in the open field

[edit] Day 2

9. Page 9: Jillian goes scouting; "ORLY?"
10. Page 10: Jillian hits a target of opportunity; Webinar, Dora introduced, sent after Jillian

[edit] Day 3

[edit] Gobwin Knob's turn

11. Page 11: Sizemore introduced, found flaking with hippiemancers, scolded by Wanda
12. Page 12: Jillian captured by dwagons; "OMGWTFBBQ!" [[1]]
13. Page 13: Wanda & Sizemore beam back to Gobwin Knob; Sizemore makes crap golems
14. Page 14: Parson introduced; works at Kinko's; checks Hamstard's hitcount
15. Page 15: Parson eats gwiffon for breakfast, gives grandiose game intro
16. Page 16: Ashna questions Parson's health; PLOT happens
17. Page 17: Stanley & Wanda go Tron; Stanley continues to make unreasonable demands; Parson arrives in Erfworld
18. Page 18: Parson gets a headache, swears a lot
19. Page 19: Stanley & Parson debate Wanda's assertion that he is alive; Parson stands up
20. Page 20: Stanley declares himself a tool
21. Page 21: Arkenpliers first seen; Ansom addresses his war council; Elf subraces revealed to be plentiful
22. Page 22: Elven parade continues; Vinny introduced; Arkenpliers formally revealed; Ansom demonstrates overconfidence
23. Page 23: Parson compelled to laugh at Stanley's bad jokes; Parson recognizes Gobwin Knob
24. Page 24: Parson declared Lord Hamster; Wanda excused to pursue her hobbies
25. Page 25: Webinar engages spidews, loses cloth golem
26. Page 26: Parson & Stanley discuss dwagons & stupid names
27. Page 27: Wanda changes clothes; Parson introduced to uncroaked warlords; Manpower craves pie
28. Page 28: Mung introduced; Wanda reveals white leather fetish; Mung stands at attention
29. Page 29: Stanley unknowingly imitates Vizzini; Bogroll reports as lackey retainer to Parson
30. Page 30: Jillian asks for the very easy way, gets the very hard way
31. Page 31: Parson insinuates that Stanley is evil; Stanley reacts poorly
32. Page 32: Stanley orders Parson not to speak, reveals expectation of Arkenpliers
33. Page 33: Stanley gives Parson an eyebook; Parson contacted by Sizemore

[edit] Royal Crown Coalition's turn

34. Page 34: Ansom & Vinny discuss Stanley's rise to power; Webinar finds Jillian's items; Ansom calls Charlie

[edit] Night

35. Page 35: Parson learns about magic from Sizemore
36. Page 36: Sizemore takes Parson's crap; Wanda finishes interrogating Jillian, shifts to girl-talk

[edit] Day 4

• Stupid Meal toy: "3D" Goggles ("See unit stats!")

[edit] Gobwin Knob's turn

37. Page 37: Bogroll presents Parson with his armor
38. Parson's Klog #1: Parson's Klog, birthdate 12/7/1982: Parson shares feelings on Erfworld; Hamstard invents the lipid golem.
39. Page 38: Jillian heals wounds, breaks down, gets sushi; Wanda hypnotizes Mung
40. Parson's Klog #2: Parson's Klog: Magic theory
41. Parson's Klog #3: Parson's Klog: Strategery!
42. Page 39: Parson gets a Stupid Meal; Arkentools numbered at four
43. Page 40: Parson & Stanley continue verbal sparring; Wanda manipulates them both
44. Parson's Klog #4: Parson's Klog: Parson laments difficulty learning about combat; some system tidbits revealed; Bogroll's stats revealed
45. Page 41: Wanda releases Jillian; plan to lure Ansom out revealed; Wanda gets creepiness on

[edit] Royal Crown Coalition's turn

46. Page 42: Charlie's Archons introduced, ally with Jetstone; Vinny persuades Ansom not to personally rescue Jillian
47. Page 43: Parson & Wanda react to the failed plan; Wanda advises Parson on dealing with His Toolship; Wanda confused by childhood
48. Parson's Klog #5: Parson's Klog: More combat system lamentations & tidbits on unit construction
49. Page 44: Night passes with a Shakespearean sonnet; Parson gets an idea

[edit] Night

50. Page 45: Misty (the lookamancer) introduced; Parson tries to order nighttime troop movements; Misty protests
51. Page 46: Parson's plan is shot down; Misty's name revealed, tries to help
52. Parson's Klog #6: Parson's Klog: Critical combat info, and a plan of action
53. Page 47: Wanda chews Parson out for messing with the eyemancers, resigns herself to placating Stanley; Parson's plan made sweeter by Ansom's lack of intel

[edit] Day 5

• Stupid Meal toy: Mathamancy bracer ("Calculate odds!")

[edit] Gobwin Knob's turn

54. Page 48: Wanda helps Stanley "relax"; Dwagons begin the attack
55. Page 49: Bat*21 swallowed; Parson has fun as a dispatcher; "Leeeeeeroy..."
56. Page 50: Jillian reunites with gwiffons, prepares to leave; dwagons wreak havoc on battle bears and tower
57. Page 51: Jillian argues with Webinar over leaving; Webinar appeals to Ansom via Charlie's Archons' Thinkagram
58. Page 52: Ansom celebrates "victories"... outlook reversed by unit reports
59. Page 53: Parson interrupts Sizemore's dirtamancy, discusses Misty situation over EyeM
60. Page 54: Parson & Sizemore discuss mathamancy, Parson's wristwatch, & the eyemancers
61. Page 55: Parson explains his combat moves to Stanley

[edit] Royal Crown Coalition's turn

62. Page 56: Ansom & Vinny plan their response
63. Page 57: Ansom shows he has an Evel side; stack one buys the farm
64. Page 58: Ansom decides to go all in... literally
65. Page 59: Ansom & company defeat the three dwagons; center hex revealed to contain trees, and little else
66. Page 60: Parson reveals the full scope of his plan; Stanley takes the credit
67. Page 61: Ansom and Vinny discuss implications of an empty center hex, charge anyway; Wanda mentions "veiling" of units, shocks Parson
68. Page 62: Vinny presents two options: The Flight (through a ring of dwagon breath) and The Stand; Ansom chooses third: The Hunt
69. Page 63: Jillian ditches Webinar & Dora, departs to search for dwagons; called "mean" by an Archon; agrees
70. Page 64: Parson & Sizemore worry about Wanda's control of Jillian; Wanda gets defensive; Stanley pours over map; Jillian advances to hex adjacent to wounded dwagons
71. Page 65: Jillian rationalizes abandoning hunt to self, Archons as saving Ansom from own ideal, locates wounded dwagons anyway; one Archon named (Jaclyn)
72. Page 66: Parson et al. continue to argue about Wanda's spell upon Jillian; Jillian begins to rationalize not attacking.
73. Page 67: Jaclyn elaborates on Wanda's spell over Jillian, against other Archons' wishes; Jillian admits to liking being part of Wanda's machinations; Jaclyn suggests Jillian phones a friend
74. Page 68: Ansom & Vinny discuss the possibility that Jillian has betrayed them; Jillian sends Ansom a scathing thinkagram, but promises to croak some dwagons
75. Page 69: Jillian begins the assault; Archons blast/vaporize/slice 'n' dice one dwagon each, pose for camera
76. Page 70: Jillian jumps onto Leeroy's dwagon, headshots Leeroy; Parson orders remaining units to croak Jillian
77. Page 71: Wanda opposes croaking Jillian; Stanley supports it; Manpower's kill (and uncroakness) yoinked by Ansom's Arkenpliers; Ansom & Jillian share a smile; Vinny croaks a dwagon with a kick
78. Page 72: Stanley blows a microchip, orders Parson, Sizemore, and Wanda out of his sight; Wanda blows a microchip, becomes catatonic; Stanley orders all field units back to Gobwin Knob, eyemancers to unlink

[edit] Night

79. Page 73: Ansom & Vinny contemplate the day's victories & the next day's hardships; Vinny gets his Fonzie on with battle-damaged Archons; Jillian bivouacs with Ansom on his carpet
80. Page 74: Parson and Sizemore discuss their various possible fates, discover that Bogroll took Parson's order to pretend to be him a bit too seriously

[edit] Day 6

• Stupid Meal toy: Sword hilt ("Leadership!")

[edit] Pre-dawn

81. Page 75: Stanley attempts to restore one of the eyemancers to sanity, orders Mung to assemble the knights at dawn ("in full paint"); Sizemore attempts to dissuade Bogroll from waking Parson, waking Parson in the process

[edit] Gobwin Knob's turn

82. Page 76: Parson berates Sizemore, relates intent to confront Stanley; Knights In Stanley's Service (KISS) assemble in courtyard
83. Page 77: Stanley departs Gobwin Knob with the foolamancer, three knights, and remaining dwagons; Parson finds Misty, apparently croaked
84. Parson's Klog #7: Parson's Klog: Stupid unit roster; Misty confirmed croaked
85. Parson's Klog #8: Parson's Klog: Parson ponders the reality, unreality, cuteness, and tragicness of Erfworld
86. Page 78: Parson inspects the tunnels, reflects on puns, possibility of being hospitalized in "real world"
87. Page 79: Parson attempts to wake self, fails; Sizemore recounts Stanley's rise to power
88. Parson's Klog #9: Parson's Klog: Sizemore making the tunnels more defensible; alliances, royals, and divine mandate

[edit] Royal Crown Coalition's turn

89. Page 80: Ansom & Vinny review Jillian's claim to know Stanley's actions

[edit] Night

90. Page 81: "Veiled" dwagons appear as blimps; Jillian prepares to relate her back story
91. Page 82: Jillian Zamussels mutually hated her liege, King Banhammer of Faq; Jillian identifies salad fork and eyeball fork as one and the same
92. Page 83: Jillian confirms Wanda worked for Faq; Ansom fails to see past Jillian's lineage
93. Page 84: Maggie (the thinkamancer) introduced; Parson debriefs her, learns that Jack's condition & Misty's death resulted from thinkamancy spell-failure backlash
94. Parson's Klog #10: Parson's Klog: Dirtamancers boost golems, croakamancers boost undead; natural thinkamancy inhibits free will?
95. Page 85: Bedtime; Bogroll's greatest ambition: to save Parson's life

[edit] Day 7

• ErfWorld toy: Sword ricasso ("Combat!")

[edit] Gobwin Knob's turn

96. Page 86: Veiled dwagons de-spoof; Parson receives a sword ricasso with breakfast; "Subway" wrapper lists Royal Crown Coalition makeup
97. Page 87: Sizemore hits scouting Marbit stack with "excessive force" (four hard-rock golems)
98. Page 88: Arkendish named, located with Charlie; Parson & Maggie contact Charlie; Parson references All Your Base, Mork & Mindy
99. Page 89: Parson offers Charlie his wristwatch/mathamancy bracer; dwagons re-veil as parade balloons
100. Page 90: Ansom & advisers discuss implications of rock golems' attack on scouts; Jillian & Vinny dress as greasers, anticipating dance fighting; Charlie rejects Parson's offer, assures him that he will survive the battle; Parson plans one more thinkagram
101. Page 91: Parson "calls" Ansom, denounces royalty as obsolete; Ansom makes a scene in front of alliance leadership; "superior" Stanley strangles foolamancer in outrage
102. Page 92: Parson bluffs about allying with alliance members, spoofs Dr. Evil; Stanley interrupts Parson's call, asking how to fix foolamancer; foolamancer's name forgotten by Stanley, unknown by Maggie

[edit] Royal Crown Coalition's turn

103. Page 93: Ansom & Vinny exchange angry stares over Ansom's fit; Ansom gives Jillian & Vinny their orders, to break their alliance in order to change the turn order; Jillian quotes Grease
104. Page 94: Jillian's flight approaches the tower of Efdup unchallenged; Jillian confronts a (somewhat) recovered Wanda; orly: O HAI
105. Page 95: Jillian prompts Wanda to defect, plans to slay Stanley when Wanda refuses; Jaclyn warns that Wanda is free of loyalty spells; Wanda casts several cheat codes and AGGROs
106. Page 96: Jaclyn's, Pegataurs' flesh burned from their bones (apparently they failed their saving throws)
107. Page 97: Ansom charges Webinar with command of Jetstone & Marbit forces (and only Jetstone & Marbit forces) in the tunnels
108. Page 98: Parson explains that unlike Stanley, he still values Wanda after her failure; Wanda, speech-impaired, begins raising fallen Archons
109. Parson's Klog #11: Parson's Klog: Parson explains Gobwin Knob's defensive zones, speculates upon Ansom's plan, implies that he has a plan of his own
110. Parson's Klog #12: Parson's Klog: Parson believes Wanda's loyalties still lie with Gobwin Knob; cities without a leader freeze in time unless/until attacked; Parson resolves to play the fight out rather than surrender
111. Page 99 : Vinny explains the plan to his boss, the Don; we see a preview of the battle to come, with dance fighting
112. Page 100: Parsons plan relies on Ansom waiting until his forces are assembled (a fairly safe bet, knowing Ansom); Charlie hacks Parson's eyebook, proposes a business deal; Coalition forces surround the walls

[edit] Night

113. Page 101: Ansom's allies dissent over Ansom's inaction; Ansom justifies himself; Parson experiments with what he can say without being censored
114. Page 102: Parson plans to order the casters to the Magic Kingdom should the battle go south; Sizemore worries not for his own life but for the lives of those he is ordered to kill, hates Parson for it
115. Page 103: Parson asks Wanda not to leave to help Stanley, reveals his bargain with Charlie to abandon the hunt for Stanley in exchange for 12 calculations - the first two of which concerned a (hypothetical?) attack on GK by Charlie; Parson feels played, is glad that Wanda doesn't laugh

[edit] Day 8

• Luckamancy Charms toy: Sword blade ("Ruthlessness!")

[edit] Transylvito and Charlescomm's turns

116. Page 104: Caesar Borgata and company join with Jillian's stack, relieve her; Maggie casts "Ephedra" on Parson to clear his mind; Charlie's Archons arrive at GK, taking the first turn of the day; Charlie asks Parson up to the parapet
117. Page 105 : Parson rebuffs Charlie, giving his chances of not losing the city within one turn at 58.9%; Charlie leaves his archons in place, "to assist if necessary"
118. Page 106: Parson receives the rest of his sword in his breakfast Luckamancy Charms; sword's functions (leadership, combat, & ruthlessness) enumerated

[edit] Gobwin Knob's turn

119. Page 107: Caesar was sent to compensate for lack of archons; Faq used Jack, the foolamancer, to stay hidden from Transylvito and others; Parson learned Jack's name from Wanda, orders Sizemore to begin liquid and gas traps, Maggie to contact Jack
120. Page 108: Parson contacts the foolamancer, one Jack Snipe; in the tunnels, golems mix an unknown powder ("REDOX"), set off a flaming liquid trap ("FITH") near Webinar's regiment
121. Page 109: Parson's efforts to snap Jack back to reality are apparently in vain; Parson sends gobwins into tunnels, to attack infantry and corral heavies & warlords
122. Page 110: Stanley tries to appeal to Jack's sense of self-preservation to cast a real veil, while flying into the Doombats' trap; decides to punch through
123. Page 111: Webinar finds Sizemore; Parson sends in the remaining knights, riding spidews; Doombats sing West Side Story; Stanley air-guitars with Arkenhammer, sings KISS
124. Page 112: Webinar and Dora confront Sizemore; Sizemore heals a golem, which PKs Dora and Webinar; Sizemore laments, reports the rout; Parson discovers a new uncensored word: "Hosed, hosed, hosed!"
125. Page 113: Vinny breaks down the odds - unled bats are weak, but with Caesar, the chief warlord for Transylvito, in the hex, they are more formidable; Stanley Van de Graffs Caesar; Jillian recognizes Jack, and Jack, Jillian
126. Page 114: Jillian and gwiffons engage Stanley, croaking his mount; Jillian implores Jack to turn; Stanley flies himself and Jack up with Arkenhammer while Jack, restored to sanity, casts a veil
127. Page 115: Jillian and co search for Stanley, discover that croaked dwagon is a fake; Stanley and Jack, still mounted, escape hex
128. Page 116: Unable to read the Titans' will, Stanley takes Jack's suggestion to return to Gobwin Knob; uncroaked units' strength depends on the effort spent creating them; many units can be uncroaked together, but they'll be weak; Wanda uncroaks 1000+ Jetstone infantry
129. Parson's Klog #13: Parson explains the layout of the garrison, meditates on having caused the deaths of so many enemy troops, the effect of that on Sizemore, and his responsibility to his own men

[edit] Royal Crown Coalition's turn

130. Page 117: The coalition is demoralized by Parson's new reinforcements, but Ansom pulls them back together, gets reckless with his statuesque keister to punch a hole through the uncroaked on the wall
131. Page 118: Ansom fights uncroaked alone; siege units attack walls; Archons watch
132. Page 119: Parson tries to out-guess Charlie, sends Wanda with uncroaked fliers to attack Ansom; Wanda stutters through battle song
133. Page 120: Wanda locks Ansom's Arkenpliers, Webinar knocks them from his grasp, and him from his carpet; Ansom enters contract negotiations with an Archon
134. Page 121: Ansom accepts Charlie's outrageous terms; Archons destroy all fliers in hex; Wanda is shielded (though her mount is not)
135. Page 122: Wanda hovers on death's door as Ansom dives, retrieves pliers, monologues; Wanda dares him to touch her with them; Ansom declines; Sizemore and golems arrive from below to safeguard Wanda; Ansom returns to fight at wall
136. Page 123: Sizemore takes Wanda to the dungeon to heal her; Parson outlines his latest tactic to Maggie; Parson relocates command to dungeon to personally inspect Wanda's "private stash" - and prepare for battle
137. Page 124: Sizemore finds various magic spells in Wanda's stash; the casters challenge Parson's status as Perfect Warlord; Parson lectures them about strategy; the coalition troops at the courtyard gates
138. Page 125: Parson explains combat bonuses, gives battle instructions to the casters; Ansom and the coalition warlords argue whether they should wait for the next turn or press the assault
139. Page 126: Ansom gives battle instructions to the coalition troops; Sizemore and his golems attack two coalition warlords with Shockmancy; a crap golem explodes
140. Page 127: The coalition troops break into the courtyard; Parson tells Bogroll that they still have a chance; Wanda leads uncroaked infantry into a dance-fight
141. Page 128: The uncroaked inflict massive losses on the coalition infantry; Ansom negotiates with Archons; Archons relay directions for a dance-fight to the coalition troops
142. Page 129: Parson orders a concentrated attack on Ansom; Maggie disrupts some Archons; the courtyard wall is down; Parson orders a general retreat into the dungeon; Parson gives Bogroll a mission
143. Page 130: Parson contact Charlie and asks for a truce to surrender; Charlie reveals that he wants to get Parson and his bracer; Ansom flies up to the tower parapet to accept Parson's surrender
144. Page 131: Ansom taunts surrendering Parson; Parson is revealed to be Bogroll in disguise; Bogroll knocks Ansom off his flying carpet and they fall down
145. Page 132: Ansom and Bogroll are croaked; Parson orders Sizemore to collapse the tower and dungeons; Sizemore wrecks as much of Gobwin Knob as possible
146. Page 133: Parson and remaining troops prepare for a last stand in the dungeon; a few enemy units break in, but are dispatched; Parson orders the casters into the Portal Room
147. Page 134: Parson offers the casters to use the portal; they tell him Duty demands that he does not give up; Parson orders the casters to link up and uncroak the volcano
148. Page 135: The casters magically merge their minds; Wanda and Sizemore uncroak the volcano together
149. Page 136: Parson orders the casters into the portal; Charlie tries to make a deal; Parson runs into the portal
150. Page 137: The volcano erupts; coalition troops die in a fire
151. Page 138: Vinny tells Jillian they are not going after Stanley; Caesar tells them that all coalition troops at Gobwin are destroyed; Jillian leaps at Caesar at the news of Ansom's death
152. Page 139: Vinny tells Caesar to back off; Vinny tries to console Jillian; they share a moment of grief
153. Page 140: Parson is opposed by casters in the Magic Kingdom and gets Vulcan Nerve Pinched; Janis calls for Thinkamancers to break the link between Maggie, Sizemore and Wanda

[edit] Night

154. Page 141: Sizemore complains to Janis about Parson; Janis urges Sizemore to help and teach Parson, suggests that Parson may bring peace to Erfworld
155. Page 142: Parson and the casters are forced to return to Gobwin Knob; they find it in ruins; Sizemore finds gems; Wanda finds the Arkenpliers and attunes to them
156. Page 143: Parson muses on death and destruction that he caused; Wanda dismisses his complaints and digs up Ansom's corpse

[edit] Day 9

157. Page 144: Stanley is on his way to Gobwin Knob; new turn starts; a dwagon pops up; Wanda reanimates Ansom with the Arkenpliers
158. Page 145: Ansom's stats, zealotry prove to have survived decryption; Wanda turns the Arkenpliers on the rest of the army
159. Page 146: Arkenpliers' limits tested; Bogroll confirmed to be Killed Off For Real; Wanda expresses gratitude-like emotion
160. Page 147: Wanda answers long-standing Faq FAQs, commiserates about Fate; Parson appears unconvinced
161. Page 148: Sizemore goes rock hunting; Parson and Maggie discuss Thinkamancy, compare monstrosities
162. Pages 149-150: Parson defies fate, breaks boop filter, ends book on auspicious note.