Descriptive Table of Contents
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==Love Is a Battlefield==
==Love Is a Battlefield==
Revision as of 21:03, 1 November 2011
A page-by-page summary of the Story So Far.
See also: Plot Summary, which takes a more prose-based approach.
The Battle for Gobwin Knob
- Title page: Giant Elvii create the world; Marbits buy extra troops and breach the right flank
- Page 2: Manpower the Temporary bites it, tastes key lime pie; Wanda introduced, her bad day gets worse
- Page 3: Wanda returns to Gobwin Knob via dwagon
- Page 4: Bogroll, Stanley introduced; former demonstrates lack of guile; latter busts a nut
- Page 5: Wanda & Stanley talk strategy; Wanda brings up summoning spell
- Page 6: Stanley orders Wanda to buy spell & cast it herself; Bogroll lives up to his name
- Page 7: Jillian, Ansom introduced; Ansom makes pass at Jillian
- Page 8: Night falls; Ansom discusses scouting with/continues to make passes at Jillian; Jillian bivouacs in the open field
- Page 9: Jillian goes scouting; "ORLY?"
- Page 10: Jillian hits a target of opportunity; Webinar, Dora introduced, sent after Jillian
- Page 11: Sizemore introduced, found flaking with hippiemancers, scolded by Wanda
- Page 12: Jillian captured by dwagons; "OMGWTFBBQ!" []
- Page 13: Wanda & Sizemore beam back to Gobwin Knob; Sizemore makes crap golems
- Page 14: Parson introduced; works at Kinko's; checks Hamstard's hitcount
- Page 15: Parson eats gwiffon for breakfast, gives grandiose game intro
- Page 16: Ashna questions Parson's health; PLOT happens
- Page 17: Stanley & Wanda go Tron; Stanley continues to make unreasonable demands; Parson arrives in Erfworld
- Page 18: Parson gets a headache, swears a lot
- Page 19: Stanley & Parson debate Wanda's assertion that he is alive; Parson stands up
- Page 20: Stanley declares himself a tool
- Page 21: Arkenpliers first seen; Ansom addresses his war council; Elf subraces revealed to be plentiful
- Page 22: Elven parade continues; Vinny introduced; Arkenpliers formally revealed; Ansom demonstrates overconfidence
- Page 23: Parson compelled to laugh at Stanley's bad jokes; Parson recognizes Gobwin Knob
- Page 24: Parson declared Lord Hamster; Wanda excused to pursue her hobbies
- Page 25: Webinar engages spidews, loses cloth golem
- Page 26: Parson & Stanley discuss dwagons & stupid names
- Page 27: Wanda changes clothes; Parson introduced to uncroaked warlords; Manpower craves pie
- Page 28: Mung introduced; Wanda reveals white leather fetish; Mung stands at attention
- Page 29: Stanley unknowingly imitates Vizzini; Bogroll reports as lackey retainer to Parson
- Page 30: Jillian asks for the very easy way, gets the very hard way
- Page 31: Parson insinuates that Stanley is evil; Stanley reacts poorly
- Page 32: Stanley orders Parson not to speak, reveals expectation of Arkenpliers
- Page 33: Stanley gives Parson an eyebook; Parson contacted by Sizemore
- Page 34: Ansom & Vinny discuss Stanley's rise to power; Webinar finds Jillian's items; Ansom calls Charlie
- Page 35: Parson learns about magic from Sizemore
- Page 36: Sizemore takes Parson's crap; Wanda finishes interrogating Jillian, shifts to girl-talk
Gobwin Knob's turn
Royal Crown Coalition's turn
- Page 37: Bogroll presents Parson with his armor
- Parson's Klog #1: Parson's Klog, birthdate 12/7/1982: Parson shares feelings on Erfworld; Hamstard invents the lipid golem.
- Page 38: Jillian heals wounds, breaks down, gets sushi; Wanda hypnotizes Mung
- Parson's Klog #2: Parson's Klog: Magic theory
- Parson's Klog #3: Parson's Klog: Strategery!
- Page 39: Parson gets a Stupid Meal; Arkentools numbered at four
- Page 40: Parson & Stanley continue verbal sparring; Wanda manipulates them both
- Parson's Klog #4: Parson's Klog: Parson laments difficulty learning about combat; some system tidbits revealed; Bogroll's stats revealed
- Page 41: Wanda releases Jillian; plan to lure Ansom out revealed; Wanda gets creepiness on
- Page 42: Charlie's Archons introduced, ally with Jetstone; Vinny persuades Ansom not to personally rescue Jillian
- Page 43: Parson & Wanda react to the failed plan; Wanda advises Parson on dealing with His Toolship; Wanda confused by childhood
- Parson's Klog #5: Parson's Klog: More combat system lamentations & tidbits on unit construction
- Page 44: Night passes with a Shakespearean sonnet; Parson gets an idea
- Page 45: Misty (the lookamancer) introduced; Parson tries to order nighttime troop movements; Misty protests
- Page 46: Parson's plan is shot down; Misty's name revealed, tries to help
- Parson's Klog #6: Parson's Klog: Critical combat info, and a plan of action
- Page 47: Wanda chews Parson out for messing with the eyemancers, resigns herself to placating Stanley; Parson's plan made sweeter by Ansom's lack of intel
Gobwin Knob's turn
Royal Crown Coalition's turn
- Page 48: Wanda helps Stanley "relax"; Dwagons begin the attack
- Page 49: Bat*21 swallowed; Parson has fun as a dispatcher; "Leeeeeeroy..."
- Page 50: Jillian reunites with gwiffons, prepares to leave; dwagons wreak havoc on battle bears and tower
- Page 51: Jillian argues with Webinar over leaving; Webinar appeals to Ansom via Charlie's Archons' Thinkagram
- Page 52: Ansom celebrates "victories"... outlook reversed by unit reports
- Page 53: Parson interrupts Sizemore's dirtamancy, discusses Misty situation over EyeM
- Page 54: Parson & Sizemore discuss mathamancy, Parson's wristwatch, & the eyemancers
- Page 55: Parson explains his combat moves to Stanley
- Page 56: Ansom & Vinny plan their response
- Page 57: Ansom shows he has an Evel side; stack one buys the farm
- Page 58: Ansom decides to go all in... literally
- Page 59: Ansom & company defeat the three dwagons; center hex revealed to contain trees, and little else
- Page 60: Parson reveals the full scope of his plan; Stanley takes the credit
- Page 61: Ansom and Vinny discuss implications of an empty center hex, charge anyway; Wanda mentions "veiling" of units, shocks Parson
- Page 62: Vinny presents two options: The Flight (through a ring of dwagon breath) and The Stand; Ansom chooses third: The Hunt
- Page 63: Jillian ditches Webinar & Dora, departs to search for dwagons; called "mean" by an Archon; agrees
- Page 64: Parson & Sizemore worry about Wanda's control of Jillian; Wanda gets defensive; Stanley pours over map; Jillian advances to hex adjacent to wounded dwagons
- Page 65: Jillian rationalizes abandoning hunt to self, Archons as saving Ansom from own ideal, locates wounded dwagons anyway; one Archon named (Jaclyn)
- Page 66: Parson et al. continue to argue about Wanda's spell upon Jillian; Jillian begins to rationalize not attacking.
- Page 67: Jaclyn elaborates on Wanda's spell over Jillian, against other Archons' wishes; Jillian admits to liking being part of Wanda's machinations; Jaclyn suggests Jillian phones a friend
- Page 68: Ansom & Vinny discuss the possibility that Jillian has betrayed them; Jillian sends Ansom a scathing thinkagram, but promises to croak some dwagons
- Page 69: Jillian begins the assault; Archons blast/vaporize/slice 'n' dice one dwagon each, pose for camera
- Page 70: Jillian jumps onto Leeroy's dwagon, headshots Leeroy; Parson orders remaining units to croak Jillian
- Page 71: Wanda opposes croaking Jillian; Stanley supports it; Manpower's kill (and uncroakness) yoinked by Ansom's Arkenpliers; Ansom & Jillian share a smile; Vinny croaks a dwagon with a kick
- Page 72: Stanley blows a microchip, orders Parson, Sizemore, and Wanda out of his sight; Wanda blows a microchip, becomes catatonic; Stanley orders all field units back to Gobwin Knob, eyemancers to unlink
- Page 73: Ansom & Vinny contemplate the day's victories & the next day's hardships; Vinny gets his Fonzie on with battle-damaged Archons; Jillian bivouacs with Ansom on his carpet
- Page 74: Parson and Sizemore discuss their various possible fates, discover that Bogroll took Parson's order to pretend to be him a bit too seriously
Gobwin Knob's turn
Royal Crown Coalition's turn
- Page 75: Stanley attempts to restore one of the eyemancers to sanity, orders Mung to assemble the knights at dawn ("in full paint"); Sizemore attempts to dissuade Bogroll from waking Parson, waking Parson in the process
- Page 76: Parson berates Sizemore, relates intent to confront Stanley; Knights In Stanley's Service (KISS) assemble in courtyard
- Page 77: Stanley departs Gobwin Knob with the foolamancer, three knights, and remaining dwagons; Parson finds Misty, apparently croaked
- Parson's Klog #7: Parson's Klog: Stupid unit roster; Misty confirmed croaked
- Parson's Klog #8: Parson's Klog: Parson ponders the reality, unreality, cuteness, and tragicness of Erfworld
- Page 78: Parson inspects the tunnels, reflects on puns, possibility of being hospitalized in "real world"
- Page 79: Parson attempts to wake self, fails; Sizemore recounts Stanley's rise to power
- Parson's Klog #9: Parson's Klog: Sizemore making the tunnels more defensible; alliances, royals, and divine mandate
- Page 80: Ansom & Vinny review Jillian's claim to know Stanley's actions
- Page 81: "Veiled" dwagons appear as blimps; Jillian prepares to relate her back story
- Page 82: Jillian Zamussels mutually hated her liege, King Banhammer of Faq; Jillian identifies salad fork and eyeball fork as one and the same
- Page 83: Jillian confirms Wanda worked for Faq; Ansom fails to see past Jillian's lineage
- Page 84: Maggie (the thinkamancer) introduced; Parson debriefs her, learns that Jack's condition & Misty's death resulted from thinkamancy spell-failure backlash
- Parson's Klog #10: Parson's Klog: Dirtamancers boost golems, croakamancers boost undead; natural thinkamancy inhibits free will?
- Page 85: Bedtime; Bogroll's greatest ambition: to save Parson's life
Gobwin Knob's turn
Royal Crown Coalition's turn
- ErfWorld toy: Sword ricasso ("Combat!")
- Page 86: Veiled dwagons de-spoof; Parson receives a sword ricasso with breakfast; "Subway" wrapper lists Royal Crown Coalition makeup
- Page 87: Sizemore hits scouting Marbit stack with "excessive force" (four hard-rock golems)
- Page 88: Arkendish named, located with Charlie; Parson & Maggie contact Charlie; Parson references All Your Base, Mork & Mindy
- Page 89: Parson offers Charlie his wristwatch/mathamancy bracer; dwagons re-veil as parade balloons
- Page 90: Ansom & advisers discuss implications of rock golems' attack on scouts; Jillian & Vinny dress as greasers, anticipating dance fighting; Charlie rejects Parson's offer, assures him that he will survive the battle; Parson plans one more thinkagram
- Page 91: Parson "calls" Ansom, denounces royalty as obsolete; Ansom makes a scene in front of alliance leadership; "superior" Stanley strangles foolamancer in outrage
- Page 92: Parson bluffs about allying with alliance members, spoofs Dr. Evil; Stanley interrupts Parson's call, asking how to fix foolamancer; foolamancer's name forgotten by Stanley, unknown by Maggie
- Page 93: Ansom & Vinny exchange angry stares over Ansom's fit; Ansom gives Jillian & Vinny their orders, to break their alliance in order to change the turn order; Jillian quotes Grease
- Page 94: Jillian's flight approaches the tower of Efdup unchallenged; Jillian confronts a (somewhat) recovered Wanda; orly: O HAI
- Page 95: Jillian prompts Wanda to defect, plans to slay Stanley when Wanda refuses; Jaclyn warns that Wanda is free of loyalty spells; Wanda casts several cheat codes and AGGROs
- Page 96: Jaclyn's, Pegataurs' flesh burned from their bones (apparently they failed their saving throws)
- Page 97: Ansom charges Webinar with command of Jetstone & Marbit forces (and only Jetstone & Marbit forces) in the tunnels
- Page 98: Parson explains that unlike Stanley, he still values Wanda after her failure; Wanda, speech-impaired, begins raising fallen Archons
- Parson's Klog #11: Parson's Klog: Parson explains Gobwin Knob's defensive zones, speculates upon Ansom's plan, implies that he has a plan of his own
- Parson's Klog #12: Parson's Klog: Parson believes Wanda's loyalties still lie with Gobwin Knob; cities without a leader freeze in time unless/until attacked; Parson resolves to play the fight out rather than surrender
- Page 99 : Vinny explains the plan to his boss, the Don; we see a preview of the battle to come, with dance fighting
- Page 100: Parsons plan relies on Ansom waiting until his forces are assembled (a fairly safe bet, knowing Ansom); Charlie hacks Parson's eyebook, proposes a business deal; Coalition forces surround the walls
- Page 101: Ansom's allies dissent over Ansom's inaction; Ansom justifies himself; Parson experiments with what he can say without being censored
- Page 102: Parson plans to order the casters to the Magic Kingdom should the battle go south; Sizemore worries not for his own life but for the lives of those he is ordered to kill, hates Parson for it
- Page 103: Parson asks Wanda not to leave to help Stanley, reveals his bargain with Charlie to abandon the hunt for Stanley in exchange for 12 calculations - the first two of which concerned a (hypothetical?) attack on GK by Charlie; Parson feels played, is glad that Wanda doesn't laugh
Gobwin Knob's turn
Royal Crown Coalition's turn
- Luckamancy Charms toy: Sword blade ("Ruthlessness!")
- Page 104: Caesar Borgata and company join with Jillian's stack, relieve her; Maggie casts "Ephedra" on Parson to clear his mind; Charlie's Archons arrive at GK, taking the first turn of the day; Charlie asks Parson up to the parapet
- Page 105 : Parson rebuffs Charlie, giving his chances of not losing the city within one turn at 58.9%; Charlie leaves his archons in place, "to assist if necessary"
- Page 106: Parson receives the rest of his sword in his breakfast Luckamancy Charms; sword's functions (leadership, combat, & ruthlessness) enumerated
- Page 107: Caesar was sent to compensate for lack of archons; Faq used Jack, the foolamancer, to stay hidden from Transylvito and others; Parson learned Jack's name from Wanda, orders Sizemore to begin liquid and gas traps, Maggie to contact Jack
- Page 108: Parson contacts the foolamancer, one Jack Snipe; in the tunnels, golems mix an unknown powder ("REDOX"), set off a flaming liquid trap ("FITH") near Webinar's regiment
- Page 109: Parson's efforts to snap Jack back to reality are apparently in vain; Parson sends gobwins into tunnels, to attack infantry and corral heavies & warlords
- Page 110: Stanley tries to appeal to Jack's sense of self-preservation to cast a real veil, while flying into the Doombats' trap; decides to punch through
- Page 111: Webinar finds Sizemore; Parson sends in the remaining knights, riding spidews; Doombats sing West Side Story; Stanley air-guitars with Arkenhammer, sings KISS
- Page 112: Webinar and Dora confront Sizemore; Sizemore heals a golem, which PKs Dora and Webinar; Sizemore laments, reports the rout; Parson discovers a new uncensored word: "Hosed, hosed, hosed!"
- Page 113: Vinny breaks down the odds - unled bats are weak, but with Caesar, the chief warlord for Transylvito, in the hex, they are more formidable; Stanley Van de Graffs Caesar; Jillian recognizes Jack, and Jack, Jillian
- Page 114: Jillian and gwiffons engage Stanley, croaking his mount; Jillian implores Jack to turn; Stanley flies himself and Jack up with Arkenhammer while Jack, restored to sanity, casts a veil
- Page 115: Jillian and co search for Stanley, discover that croaked dwagon is a fake; Stanley and Jack, still mounted, escape hex
- Page 116: Unable to read the Titans' will, Stanley takes Jack's suggestion to return to Gobwin Knob; uncroaked units' strength depends on the effort spent creating them; many units can be uncroaked together, but they'll be weak; Wanda uncroaks 1000+ Jetstone infantry
- Parson's Klog #13: Parson explains the layout of the garrison, meditates on having caused the deaths of so many enemy troops, the effect of that on Sizemore, and his responsibility to his own men
- Page 117: The coalition is demoralized by Parson's new reinforcements, but Ansom pulls them back together, gets reckless with his statuesque keister to punch a hole through the uncroaked on the wall
- Page 118: Ansom fights uncroaked alone; siege units attack walls; Archons watch
- Page 119: Parson tries to out-guess Charlie, sends Wanda with uncroaked fliers to attack Ansom; Wanda stutters through battle song
- Page 120: Wanda locks Ansom's Arkenpliers, Webinar knocks them from his grasp, and him from his carpet; Ansom enters contract negotiations with an Archon
- Page 121: Ansom accepts Charlie's outrageous terms; Archons destroy all fliers in hex; Wanda is shielded (though her mount is not)
- Page 122: Wanda hovers on death's door as Ansom dives, retrieves pliers, monologues; Wanda dares him to touch her with them; Ansom declines; Sizemore and golems arrive from below to safeguard Wanda; Ansom returns to fight at wall
- Page 123: Sizemore takes Wanda to the dungeon to heal her; Parson outlines his latest tactic to Maggie; Parson relocates command to dungeon to personally inspect Wanda's "private stash" - and prepare for battle
- Page 124: Sizemore finds various magic spells in Wanda's stash; the casters challenge Parson's status as Perfect Warlord; Parson lectures them about strategy; the coalition troops at the courtyard gates
- Page 125: Parson explains combat bonuses, gives battle instructions to the casters; Ansom and the coalition warlords argue whether they should wait for the next turn or press the assault
- Page 126: Ansom gives battle instructions to the coalition troops; Sizemore and his golems attack two coalition warlords with Shockmancy; a crap golem explodes
- Page 127: The coalition troops break into the courtyard; Parson tells Bogroll that they still have a chance; Wanda leads uncroaked infantry into a dance-fight
- Page 128: The uncroaked inflict massive losses on the coalition infantry; Ansom negotiates with Archons; Archons relay directions for a dance-fight to the coalition troops
- Page 129: Parson orders a concentrated attack on Ansom; Maggie disrupts some Archons; the courtyard wall is down; Parson orders a general retreat into the dungeon; Parson gives Bogroll a mission
- Page 130: Parson contact Charlie and asks for a truce to surrender; Charlie reveals that he wants to get Parson and his bracer; Ansom flies up to the tower parapet to accept Parson's surrender
- Page 131: Ansom taunts surrendering Parson; Parson is revealed to be Bogroll in disguise; Bogroll knocks Ansom off his flying carpet and they fall down
- Page 132: Ansom and Bogroll are croaked; Parson orders Sizemore to collapse the tower and dungeons; Sizemore wrecks as much of Gobwin Knob as possible
- Page 133: Parson and remaining troops prepare for a last stand in the dungeon; a few enemy units break in, but are dispatched; Parson orders the casters into the Portal Room
- Page 134: Parson offers the casters to use the portal; they tell him Duty demands that he does not give up; Parson orders the casters to link up and uncroak the volcano
- Page 135: The casters magically merge their minds; Wanda and Sizemore uncroak the volcano together
- Page 136: Parson orders the casters into the portal; Charlie tries to make a deal; Parson runs into the portal
- Page 137: The volcano erupts; coalition troops die in a fire
- Page 138: Vinny tells Jillian they are not going after Stanley; Caesar tells them that all coalition troops at Gobwin are destroyed; Jillian leaps at Caesar at the news of Ansom's death
- Page 139: Vinny tells Caesar to back off; Vinny tries to console Jillian; they share a moment of grief
- Page 140: Parson is opposed by casters in the Magic Kingdom and gets Vulcan Nerve Pinched; Janis calls for Thinkamancers to break the link between Maggie, Sizemore and Wanda
- Page 141: Sizemore complains to Janis about Parson; Janis urges Sizemore to help and teach Parson, suggests that Parson may bring peace to Erfworld
- Page 142: Parson and the casters are forced to return to Gobwin Knob; they find it in ruins; Sizemore finds gems; Wanda finds the Arkenpliers and attunes to them
- Page 143: Parson muses on death and destruction that he caused; Wanda dismisses his complaints and digs up Ansom's corpse
Transylvito and Charlescomm's turns
Gobwin Knob's turn
Royal Crown Coalition's turn
- Page 144: Stanley is on his way to Gobwin Knob; new turn starts; a dwagon pops up; Wanda reanimates Ansom with the Arkenpliers
- Page 145: Ansom's stats, zealotry prove to have survived decryption; Wanda turns the Arkenpliers on the rest of the army
- Page 146: Arkenpliers' limits tested; Bogroll confirmed to be Killed Off For Real; Wanda expresses gratitude-like emotion
- Page 147: Wanda answers long-standing Faq FAQs, commiserates about Fate; Parson appears unconvinced
- Page 148: Sizemore goes rock hunting; Parson and Maggie discuss Thinkamancy, compare monstrosities
- Pages 149-150: Parson defies fate, breaks boop filter, ends book on auspicious note.
Day 1 (10 AW)
- Page 1: Parson finds it ridiculous how quickly the city is rebuilt once Stanley allocates the funding.
- Page 2: Stanley returns with most of his dwagon contingent; Parson explores the new Gobwin Knob.
- Page 3: Stanley surveys his domain, comments on his side's new livery, glees at Ansom's Face Heel Turn.
- Page 4: Stanley lands, proves confused and apprehensive over Wanda's attunement and mood; Wanda shows off cool tricks thus far.
- Page 5: Ansom talks re-popping, references Prince; Stanley unable to gloat, compensates by fishing for gossip.
- Page 6: Parson plays with his bracer, contemplates the invention of folding chairs; Maggie and Sizemore culture-shocked; brick-throwing classified as archery.
- Page 7: Archons provide celebratory fireworks; dwagons get spooked; Stanley blows up own head.
- Page 8: Thinking about war bothers Parson, but would not thinking about war be any better?
- Page 9: Stanley "apologizes", breaks news of Ansom's promotion; Parson takes it well; Maggie speaks her mind.
- Page 10: Caesar mocks Jillian, delivers "royal invitation"; Jillian accepts (unwillingly); Vinny smells a fish.
- Page 11: Transylvitans chat about Carpool; Vinny holds his tongue; Jillian stews.
- Page 12: Escort camps in the rain; Transylvitan capital still two days away; Jillian kvetches about moving under her max speed, speculates on Caesar's diet.
Day 2 (11 AW)
- Page 13: Escort stops at Aqua Velva; Jillian spears one of the mayor's pet fish as provisions; conversation touches upon names and titles.
- Page 14: Vinny asks Jillian to mind her manners when "meeting his parents"; Jillian still a woman of few words, but spares a few choice ones for her own dad.
- Page 15: Escort grabs horned sheep for dinner; Transylvitans sing campfire rock.
Day 3 (12 AW)
- Page 16: Dawn arrives before Transylvito's turn; Jillian nurses a fire; Vinny tames a bat, puts himself in Don King's shoes.
- Page 17: First glimpse of Transylvito proper, surrounding terrain, defense forces; escort grabs a drink from the nearby Skanks; Jillian promotes herself to Chief Party-Pooper.
- Page 18: Jillian arrives in the Transylvito throne room, exchanges formalities with Don King, really needs to pee.
- Page 19: Jillian tells Don King about Faq's Foolamantic defenses, proposes a rematch with Stanley; Don King reminds her of the first bout's mysterious ending; indoor plumbing introduced.
- Page 20: Jillian expresses her disdain for tea, "royal life"; Don King gives an object lesson.
- Page 21: Jillian and Don King talk about the three Rs: Royalty, Radishes, and Rebuilding; Jillian fights an inner ambush, throws a teapot.
- Page 22: Parson and Charlie talk Caster Links, mind games.
- Page 23: Zhopa the Twoll introduced; Parson packs a picnic lunch.
- Page 24: Parson, Sizemore, and Maggie take a stroll; Parson learns about Erban development (Gobwin Knob real estate is a buyer's market) and talks about home.
- Page 25: Discussion of aesthetics continues on to the topic of graphic design; Fabrication officially linked to Twolls, Dollamancy; Sizemore and Maggie play catch-the-buck over Gobwin Knob's new style.
- Page 26: Maggie explains two-caster links, speculates on Stanley's mental state; the trio continue their walk towards the city gates.
- Page 27: Parson reaches hex boundary, takes a peek through his magic specs; Maggie tells a joke; Erfworld proves to be more stubborn than we had hoped.
- Page 28: Magic Kingdom revealed to be mostly philosophers with juice; Parson warned against going there again, settles for more Q&A with Maggie and Sizemore; Sizemore breaks out the apple brandy.
- Page 29: Parson gets a crash course in general relativity, boggles afresh at Erfworld's idiosyncratic physics.
- Page 30: Maggie hits the brandy a bit too hard, feels like she's on Earth, takes advantage of her helmet's loyalty.
- Page 31: Parson tries things.
- Page 32: Parson gets in the saddle, squashes a Banana.
Day 4 (13 AW)
- Page 33: Ansom and Wanda visit sunny Warchalking.
- Page 34: Wrigley loses his spear, then loses his head.
Day 8 (17 AW)
- Page 35: Stanley chews out Parson for not knowing how to do his rounds; Parson sends Stanley dwagon-hunting.
Day 11 (20 AW)
Day 18 (27 AW)
Day 19 (28 AW)
Day 20 (29 AW)
- Page 39: Charlie tries to find out what Gobwin Knob's got up its sleeve, and gets more than he bargained for.
Day 23 (32 AW)
Day 24 (33 AW)
Day 29 (38 AW)
Day 31 (40 AW)
Day 38 (47 AW)
- Page 44: Parson and Maggie take a walk and discuss... logistics. Bow-chicka-bow-wow.
- Page 45: Parson braves the peril to get some answers about Charlie.
- Page 46: Parson ignores his little buddy, plays 8 questions, and sets a date with Ginger and MaryAnn.
Day 52 (61 AW)
- Page 47: Caesar Borgata is up on the roof in Chocula, and gets a call from Bunny; learns next morning that Transylvito is popping new Royal Heir.
Day 54 (63 AW)
Day 55 (64 AW)
- Page 49: Jillian recalls how, on Day 42 (51 AW), she 'visited' the neighbor kingdom Jitterati, attacked the cities Kona and Valdez, got the Western Giants to become her Natural Allies, and captured the warlord Duncan Scone. On Day 55 (64 AW), she leaves Faq on a dangerous mission.
Love Is a Battlefield
Issue 1: Meet the Jetstones
Day 1 (75 AW)
Gobwin Knob's turn
- Page 1: Stanley heads to the Situation Room to oversee the confrontation between Ansom and Ossomer; Parson shows up fashionably late.
- Page 2: A little trip down the Expository Bridge
- Page 3: Ansom and Ossomer parley on Expository Bridge; Tramennis is amusing.
- Page 4: Ansom and Ossomer discuss Ansom's tactical skills. The battle begins.
- Page 5: Wanda consults with Parson on how to proceed. Suspecting a trap, he recommends further reconnaissance.
- Page 6: Wanda reveals her "grab-and-go" recon plan, as Ansom chafes under Parson's shadow and the Archons make use of their assets.
- Page 7: Dirty old man repeats himself. Archons' lighting proves to be more shocking than their nudity. Jetstone brothers in a tremendously unawesome situation.
- Page 8: Ansom is invisible, Ossomer is angry, Tramennis plays with bubble gum, and quadrupled arrows are quadrupled.
- Text Update 1: Sizemore visits the Magic Kingdom and reflects on recent events.
- Page 9: Wanda helps Ansom subdue Ossomer. They retreat with their hostage.
- Text Update 2: Sizemore and Janis discuss Parson, war, and friendship.
- Page 10: Ansom and Ossomer discuss evil, Wanda shows off her toy; Ossomer gives her an unpleasant surprise.
- Text Update 3: Transylvito parties while watching the war, Caesar very carefully ignores Bunny; the lot of them sobers up unexpectedly.
- Page 11: Wanda suggests cost-cutting measures vis a vis Jack, but Stanley puts his foot down.
- Text Update 4: Vurp gets in touch with his inner Hobgobwin.
- Text Update 5: A bat and a Bunny can reach places other Units cannot scratch.
- Page 12: Tramennis wants to scratch his nose; Jillian prepares to scratch an old itch.
- Text Update 6: Jillian skulks across the land while she sulks about her band. Titans disband!
- Page 13: Parson runs some depressing odds and frightfully annoying questions past Wanda.
- Text Update 7: Prince Sammy is ready to rock; but can he roll?
- Page 14: Parson obeys his master; Ansom obeys his mistress.
- Text Update 8: Lady Sylvia Lazarus internally poetizes on being called back from death.
- Page 15: Tramennis observes as Wanda and Ossomer discuss the differences between sticks and carrots.
- Text Update 9: King Slately counts his lies, and argues with truth.
- Page 16: Jillian parlays with Wanda, and they decide (as usual) to do things the Hard Way.
- Text Update 10: The eyemancer looks back to when the naughtymancer foreshadowed.
- Page 17: Jillian and Wanda get high on the field of battle; have a hard time expressing their feelings.
- Text Update 11: Duncan Scone does some matchmaking for the upcoming battle, expresses his doubts about Jillian's choice of dates.
- Page 18: Jillian makes Wanda an offer that would leave no Side unturned.
- Text Update 12: Ossomer finds a scone a bit tough to chew.
- Page 19: Jillian and Wanda wave their Tools of Fate at each other.
- Text Update 13: Maggie conserves juice and reports an irregularity in the battle plan.
- Page 20: Jillian brings Charlie's tool into her argument with Wanda, and goes to have a chat with Vanna.
- Text Update 14: Slately tries to take solace in Queen Bea's sacrifice, and is rather forcefully shushed.
- Page 21: The King of Radishes asks about the bidding; the Queen pulls an ace out of her hat; and the Turnamancer calls time.
Royal Crown Coalition's turn
- Text Update 15: Tramennis and Adam Antium discuss the purpose of Music and never ending War as they wait for the end.
- Page 22: The turn's end turns heads as Vanna prepares another turn when Jillian is finally sure who she came here for.
- Text Update 16: Don King makes it clear that this is his palace, and not Caesar's.
- Page 23: Jill wears the previously broken crown and offers Jack a lift home.
- Text Update 17: Charlie tries to understand Jillian, but has to address a developing situation.
- Page 24: When Tramennis met Jillian; what happens when you croak the croakamancer?
- Text Update 18: Charlie's Archons spy on Sammy; Sammy shoots Charlie's Archons; Charlie makes Sammy think of home.
- Page 25: Sammy reports for — ahem — duty.
- Text Update 19: On Gobwin Knob's turn, Ansom rallies the troops; on the Coalition's turn, he prepares to meet Jillian.
- Page 26: Sammy crosses that bridge when he comes to it, and Tramennis discovers how much Jillian does not know.
- Text Update 20: Wanda lets her hair down and calls for a team huddle with a side of beef, a fool, and a burning woman.
- Page 27: Sammy moves in for the kill, but Jillian proves to be a fatal distraction.
- Page 28: Parson and Stanley, and Jillian and Ansom, discuss Ansom's fate.
- Page 29: When Vanna has trouble turning Ansom's head, Jillian smothers him with love.
- Text Update 21: The fool chuckles at the stone tied around the ankles of royalty.
- Page 30: Jillian prepares to steam roll a path home and arrange her lover's return .
- Text Update 22: The Ford ranger pickups responsibility to at least scratch the rocks before being crushed by them.
- Page 31: Two Queens discuss who is a toolist, whilst others disapprove.
- Text Update 23: Tramennis leads a teddy bear's picnic to breakfast on salad.
- Page 32: Ford gets crushed, Maggie requests and gets permission to make a suggestion, and Parson gets back his job as chief warlord.
- Text Update 24: Wrigley's life achieves a glorious climax as his spear finally enters some flesh.
- Page 33: The master mind and mind controller exchange a few angry thoughts on the subject of ethics - the latter wins and the former has an ugly thought.
Issue 2: It's Raining Men
Day 1 (75 AW) continued
Royal Crown Coalition's turn continued
- Page 33a: Parson reviews what he has learned about just what options he has while off-turn.
- Page 33b: Parson's notes continue with details of the Garrison/Airspace zone boundary.
- Page 34: The Don pops a recap into Caesar.
- Text Update 25: Tramennis weighs up the weight flying above him as well as that upon his shoulders.
- Page 35: The King of Bats counsels reason, while the King of Radishes contemplates starvation.
- Text Update 26: Zhopa makes a ham sandwich, whilst Stanley makes a meal of it.
- Page 36: The pizza-stained warlord plans a food fight.
- Text Update 27: Stanley regales Zhopa with, and answers the frequently asked questions about, the fall of Faq.
- Page 37: Slately stands, then Tramennis stands up to him when he takes a stand on understanding an outstanding communicator and an upstanding warlord.
- Text Update 28: Jillian pushes around the goo of her feelings, whilst Ansom is pushed around by the goo of a megalogwiff.
- Page 38: Despite Jillian and Tramennis' best efforts, it is Parson who makes the call.
- Text Update 29: Two Toolists compare their encounters with a Tool of the Titans as well as with a Tool of Fate.
- Page 39: Jillian is unimpressed with Charlie's lucky charms.
- Text Update 30: With Cubbins' help, Ace Hardware's stores becomes a helpful place.
- Page 40: Parson tells Maggie he takes his game pieces seriously, and then goes to play dress-up; Tramennis gets a taste of the rainbow.
- Text Update 31: Uhura gets dirty with a dirtamancer, and we learn that bad news comes in Fibbonacci sequences.
- Page 41: In a switch, Charlie tries to hire Tramennis with the promise of dirt on a potato.
- Page 42: Parson plans a trip after his shameless self-promotion.
- Text Update 32: Duncan enjoys an unstoppable mount. But he enjoys stopping the unstoppable warlord more.
- Page 43: The radishes consider a parley with a potato.
- Page 44: Tramennis prepares for a conference; Parson prepares for a combat.
- Text Update 33: A short father takes a long walk with his last son.
- Page 45: Parson orders Wanda to evacuate some air, and Sizemore to evacuate some ground.
- Text Update 34: Benjamin is not averse to be an observant servant in verse.
- Page 46: Parson pits caster against caster and brother against brother.
- Text Update 35: How is a foolamancer like a croakamancer? They both choose to be first in war rather than third (or second) in love.
- Page 47: Spacerock's prince poops on Ossomer's new suit and dwagons poop on Spacerock.
- Text Update 36: Crap happens... to fall on Duke Adam Antium and his troops.
- Page 48: Tramennis mistakes tactics for tantrums.
- Page 48a: Parson's eyebook explores harvest exploits.
- Page 49: Dwagons fall down.
- Text Update 37: A predictamancer prophesies Parson's pending Portal Park presence.
- Page 50: Jack acts the fool and the Cure.
- Text Update 38: Maggie hopes a great mind plucks her G-String.
- Page 51: Jack and Wanda discuss the weather; Adam drowns in it.
- Text Update 39: Sylvia commands Fud and Archer. How it turned out was this: Awesome.
- Page 52: A Prince plans to port his pater; Parson plans to pass a portal.
- Text Update 40: Isaac discovers the gravity of the situation.
- Page 53: Jetstone's Prince reassesses his strategy; Jetsone's King reassesses his princes.
- Text Update 41: In the huddle, Ace Hardware tries to change the play on the field, but the others decide to pass.
- Page 54: Wanda wants to go around, Jack and Sylvia want to blow things up, and Caesar wants better intel.
- Text Update 42: Slately rediscovers honor. "You come to me and you say, 'Don King, give me justice.' But you didn’t ask with respect; you didn’t offer friendship — you didn’t even call me 'godfather.'"
- Page 55: Wanda has no trouble securing a portal for Parson; Don King has trouble securing a loan for Slately.
- Text Update 43: At Progrock, Jillian makes rocks, but Ansom seeks progress.
- Page 56: Hamster and Caesar plan for their respective Sides' futures while contemplating that their own futures may be brief.
- Text Update 44: Alone with his thoughts, Stanley realizes he is lonelier than most.
- Page 57: Met by Janis and Marie Lavraie, Sizemore takes the high road while making a low one.
- Text Update 45: Marie and Janis go digging for dirt, but Sizemore has dug himself as deep as he'll go. Can you dig it?
- Page 58: Isaac plans to drop in on Parson who plans to drop in on Tramennis who plans to drop in on Slately.
- Text Update 46: Adam Antium and Lacrosse hope to score with Wanda.
- Page 59: Caesar's full house beats a pair of kings.
- Text Update 47: Ossomer sees a Sign in his father's eyes, and prepares for the ultimate Duty.
- Page 60: Tramennis is heard, Parson is seen, and both of them fall.
- Text Update 48: Slately needs a plan. He loses a King but finds an unexpected Ace.
- Page 61: Parson and Jeftichew make mad dashes, as Janis and Marie connect mad dots.
- Text Update 49: After chewing on his sandwich, Stanley promotes Zhopa to lackey and takes him to chew out Maggie.
- Page 62: Jeftichew offers Parson free will.
- Text Update 50: Artemis goes hunting for scarlet and purple prey.
- Page 63: Jeftichew asks Parson if he wants to get stupid.
- Text Update 51: A stone falls, Artemis' arrow falls, Ossomer's tower falls, and Sylvia smiles.
- Page 64: Sizemore, Janis, and Marie crash the party, but Jeftichew still gives a gift.
- Text Update 52: It's knights vs. dwagons, archer vs. archer, and Lazarus vs. Oblivion.
- Page 65: Sizemore makes introductions. Parson impresses Janis, but not Marie.
- Page 66: Parson chooses to jet for Jetstone. The Thinkamancers order a layover at their temple.
- Page 67: Some math facts: P<GMTA; P+S+M+J>GMTA. But can you count on Janis?
- Page 68: The Great Minds that Think Alike are stumped by the followers of one who thinks like no other.
- Page 69: While Slately gets a change of clothes, does Ossomer have a change of heart?.
- Text Update 53: ♪So no one told them life was going to be this way...♪
- Page 70: A Captain must steer between fatalism and foolishness.
- Page 71: Parson learns that the thinkamancers don't think that the predictamancers will act unpredictably.
- Page 72: A Predictamancer, Parson, Jack, Sylvia, and Stanley ask "What's going on here?"
- Page 73: One side comes together in the Magic Kingdom and another kingdom collapses along one side.
- Text Update 54: Hats off to Cubbins as an ace takes to the sky.
- Page 74: Cubbins throws his hat in the air. The issue ends; we graduate to issue 3!
Issue 3: Lots of Sects, and Violence
Day 1 (75 AW)
Royal Crown Coalition's turn continued
- Text Update 55: War goes by and comes to Mary Sagittari.
- Page 75: Ossomer back in command, Archons select targets.
- Page 76: Ossomer readies for battle, once more for Jetstone.
- Page 77: Pew! Pew! is not good, not good.
- Page 78: Ossomer goes home.
- Page 79: Slately finds himself twice as good.
- Page 80: Ace Hardware gets himself an Archon.
- Page 81: Maggie out of juice, Wanda out of comfort zone, Parson out of options, and Stanley is out of f-words.
- Page 82: Maggie and a bunch of Carnymancers move into the fray, as Parson moves to leave it.
- Text Update 56: Without her stack, Phoebe makes a stack of her own.
- Page 83: In Jetstone, Slately reveals the decrypted archons. In the Magic Kingdom, Isaac reveals the deceptive Charlie.
- Page 84: Isaac and Parson have a meeting of the minds; Tramennis criticizes Slately's make-up.
- Klog #4
- Page 85: Underground, Maggie run run runs to catch up with Isaac and Parson, and ends up running off at the mouth.
- Page 86: Sylvia tells Archer about Jeftichew's future trading.
- Page 87: Don knows about Slately, the Casters knew about Parson, Parson doesn't know what to do and Maggie doesn't know what to say.
- Page 88: Ace finds out Cubbins is alive, and Slately finds out he isn't.
- Page 89: Charlie says the k-word, and it's not king.
- Page 90: Everybody wants to act, but only Jeftichew seems to have a plan.
- Page 91: A clone crowns Tramennis.
- Page 92: Parson moves at the speed of thought, which turns out to be slower than it takes for Sylvia to decide to burn Jetstone to the ground.
- Text Update 57: Slately and Tramennis share a first, then a Battle Bear poses as a Mandrill.
- Page 93: Ace takes a stand and gets to play with his dolls.
- Page 94: Spoilers abound as a storm of magic gathers around the portal.
- Page 95: Jetstone both charges and retreats as fires spring up and pessimism is unleashed.
- Page 96: Sylvia and Jeftichew each fan their respective flames.
- Page 97: "Makes me want to roll for traps."
- Page 98: "Pretty."
- Page 99: "Do you smell smoke?"
- Klog #5: Fire rules!
- Page 100: Alas poor Portal! We knew it well!
- Page 101: Spacerock's heating is improved.
- Page 102: Parson enters the throne room.
- Page 103: Parson Gotti becomes a man of achievement. The royal gets flushed.
- Page 104: The royals become a Side of achievement. Parson Gotti gets plushed.
- Page 105: The Jack blames an LFN for the great weight of his problem.
- Page 106: A Dwagon is cruelly robbed of its snack.
- Page 107: Parson tries to transfer capital, but Stanley refuses on account of bad credit.
- Page 108: Parson and Charlie fight a flame war.
- Text Update 58: "You want help, Lud?"
- Page 109: "Who's the hero now, Hamster?"
- Text Update 59: Parson takes inspiration from Nero.
Inner Peace (Through Superior Firepower)