Your party is standing before the Unpredictable Vending Machine.
Once an ordinary, unassuming vending machine, its copperplate INSERT COINS message has been scratched out. It now reads "INSERT ANYTHING" in what might be blood.
The stories suggest that the machine is evil, but that its evil manifests itself in its caustic sense of humor. Whatever is placed inside it's yawning, beckoning hopper, it will spit out something vaguely and ironically connected.
I'll begin, and for demonstration's sake, I'll double-post an appropriate answer.
Insert bubble wrap.