The tale of Kicktraq, the insane Mathamancer
Kicktraq Aronofsky, Mathamancer of Enron, watched with as much fascination as the carefulness with which the Moneymancer performed his work. His friend’s Signamancy had changed over the past five hundredturns. Once his head was full of hair, he wore glasses and a mustache; now he was completely bald, sported a menacing goatee, and a strange mask protected his face along with a yellow uniform that left no part of his body uncovered. Thick gloves handled glass flasks, tubes full of vapor, and large cylindric metal containers that looked odd and out of place here in the Library.
“Well, what does it do?” Kicktraq asked.
“Patience”, was the answer. The Moneymancer grabbed half a dozen books from a nearby stack and dropped them at a boiling pot in the center of the room. Everything seemed to come to life at once and he walked back and forth, adjusting valves, turning switches. After one minute of puffs and hisses, the contraption finally came to a halt and a lid opened, revealing something that looked like... blue smashed glass. “There are methods. Precise. Clear as crystal.”
Kicktraq raised an eyebrow. “So, what do you call these... crystal methods?”
“Cooking”, grinned his friend, taking off the mask.
“Cooking”, Kicktraq repeated. The word felt just right, a name for the act of gathering ingredients and put them through a process to obtain something different, better. Almost like the Fabrication special. Not like everyday’s rations, that always popped done already. “And what’s the blue glass for? And why do you need books?”
“I don’t know”, the Moneymancer replied, “but everytime I cook the books, Enron’s production costs are delayed for the next thirteen turns.”
Kicktraq’s eyes widened. “So that’s how King Belfort manages to keep popping armies nonstop! By the time our Treasury is charged, we’ve already captured and razed enough enemy cities to make up for it.” He looked around. “Too bad the Library is almost depleted, though.”
The Moneymancer took off his gloves and put on a black Porkpie Hat. “Oh, you can take anything you want. I’m finished here. It only works with Books of Numbers, anyway.”
Kicktraq picked the book on top of the pile next to him. “Stable Multi-sided Alliances: Recollections and Thoughts”, by Lord Crush of Firstpost. Seemed interesting.
“I enjoy a good read now and then”, said Kicktraq, “but there’s so little time for reading nowadays. Sometimes I wish I could just feed all the books from an author to a Goo Golem and have a conversation with it, just like if I was talking to the original.”
“You sound like a Date-a-mancer”, replied Balderblack Growingood.
(to be continued...)
“Run this same calculation ten times in a row. Go.”