Jokers: Parson Gotti, Lord Hamster ("Better than an Ace") as the Red/High Joker, Charlie as the Black/Low Joker.
Strawberries (Hearts): Representing Jetstone (except the Queen, as an Homage to Queen Bea)
Ace: Ace
King: Slately
Queen: Bea (in memoriam)
Jack: Tramennis
Ten: Ossomer
Nine: Battle Bear
Eight: The Dittomancer (Crazy Eights)
Seven: Cubbins
Six: War Giraffe
Five: Holly Shortcake's Raggedy Doll
Four: Jetstone Low-Level Warlord
Three: Jetstone Archer Unit
Two: Jetstone Stabber Unit
Doombats (Clubs): Representing Transylvito and it's primary Ally, Faq
Ace: Caesar Bogarta
King: Don King
Queen: Jillian
Jack: Bunny
Ten: Ansom (assuming conversion is going to take; otherwise this would be Caesar, and the Ace would be Benjamin Franklin)
Nine: Megalogwiff
Eight: Transylvito Goyle Unit
Seven: Faq Giant Ally
Six: Duncan, Faq's Chief Warlord
Five: Transylvito Bat Stack
Four: Transylvito Low-Level Warlord
Three: Transylvito Mob Unit or Faq Gwiffon Unit
Two: Faq Stabber Unit
Diamonds: Representing Gobwin Knob
Ace: Sizemore
King (Actually Tool, replace K with T for this card only): Stanley
Queen: Wanda
Jack: Jack
Ten: Decrypted Ansom if conversion doesn't take, otherwise Sylvia
Nine: Maggie
Eight: Decrypted Archon Unit
Seven: Stack of Dwagons
Six: Sizemore's Rock Golems
Five: Spidew Unit
Four: Hobgobwin Unit
Three: Gobwin Stabber Unit or Twoll Unit or both
Two: Decrypted Stabber Unit
Spades: Representing the Magic Kingdom and Miscellaneous
Ace: Marie Lavrie
King: Isaac
Queen: Janis
Jack: Jeftichew
Ten: Prince Sammy of Haggar
Nine: Vanna White Thinkamancer
Eight: Charlie's Archon Unit
Seven: State Farm Judge (Do YOU have a good hand?)
Six: Dame Branch
Five: Groundhog Day Predictamancer
Four: Random Magic Kingdom Characters
Three: Haffaton Stabber Unit
Two: Haggar Stabber Unit
Opinions?
